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Toasted Pixel Presents: Video Game Preview: LEFT BEHIND: Eternal Forces Page 2: The Units

There are a few units in the game that we can get some insight on so far. The first unit you can create that we'll look at is the Elite Forces unit. Here they are shooting civilians on the street: YES! Gunning down women! Man, I love enforcing the Ten Commandments. Now, let's take a closer look at the unit: If I knew why a special forces guy would stare at a lit bundle of dynamite that's about to explode in his hand, maybe I'd be elite too. The Elite Forces avatar picture (who seems to be saying "heeeeeh heeeeeh, hoo huh huh heh...") looks more like a suicide bomber than a trained military soldier. That's nice. Elite Forces Christians also apparently haven't trained past elementary school, since their description reads, "Quick attacks are there strength." But hey, if their primary role is to supervise dead women, maybe they don't need such skills. Next, let's look at the medical units.

Doctors are pretty useful, for obvious healing reasons, and they have an attack speed of 3.0, which is faster than Elite Forces. And pretty impressive, considering they don't teach attack speeds in medical school. Just a typical day before the Giuliani administration. Now, let's take a closer look at the unit: "According to this medical chart, I'm sending you to HELL. Here's a referral to Satan, buddy." These are totally 1337 doctors! According to their stats above, they "cure poisenings," which must be totally more hip and fresh than curing poisonings. Before we cover the most impressive soldiers of all, we'll quickly take a look at the best kind of nurse.

Male Nurses must be classified properly. Gaylord Focker and the other best nurses in town are, of course, male, and thus their gender is appropriately attached to their title. "How's your portfolio, Focker?" Perhaps their best power of all is the Green Potion in a throw-able vial power. Next, we look at a building you can make but can't spell, and then the very best is last.

All Housing now falls under Eminent Domain. Shrug. "Sarge, do we... like the blue glowy, or do we hate it?" Alas, your homes may now be taken over by people who describe the buildings as "Can be aquired and remodeled Into Military Building." Cool! Remodeling! Are the righteous armies of the Apocalypse made up of FOB's who spend all their time on Internet forums or something? Why does nothing in this crazy game make any sense? And on that note:

Evangelists, formerly the most useless members of TV punditry, finally found their niche in the Apocalypse. Their role is to convert other units to your side. That and apparently making people's heads explode, in the manner that evangelists do. The upper right corner of the above pic shows you your current assets. Spirit? Check. Money? Double-check. Housing and food? Tax deductible, baby. Who thought Evangelists would be useful in generating something? No one, because they don't. "Yeah, that guy over there made fun of my hat once. Once." Their two greatest powers seem to be conjoined-twins-in-uniform, and binoculars-with-stick-figure-body. Hey, do YOU have those powers? Then shut it.

You bet your ASS we're going to review this game when it releases.

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