Chuck Norris facts teach us many things about Chuck Norris, things like
"Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee.
This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a f*cking Indian."
The site is page upon page of facts on Norris, and if you don't start off laughing at them,
you'll probably hurt yourself cracking up by the second page.
Now, sure, they're useful facts, and explain many things we'll need to know. Things like,
"Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA.
Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell 'What The F*ck was That?"
But some of them generate more questions than answers.
"If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, 'Two seconds 'til.' After you ask,
'Two seconds 'til what?' he roundhouse kicks you in the face." It may be a while before we understand
the implications of that.
But these have roused the wrath of Chuck Norris himself. From the official website of Chuck Norris:
Chuck Norris' Events Page has been so incensed by the list of Chuck Norris facts,
that it has decided that a response to it is an upcoming event. When it arrives, it will be epic.
"Who knows, maybe these made up one-liners will prompt young people to seek out the real facts
as found in my recent autobiographical book, 'Against All Odds?'
They may even be interested enough to check out my novels set in the Old West,
'The Justice Riders,' released this month. I'm very proud of these literary efforts."
Now, why would the Chuck Norris facts prompt people to read his books? The
facts speak for themselves.
"Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear."
And if that doesn't set children everywhere on a book-purchasing spree:
"Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that
their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography."
The books are important. Even if the facts around them are simply "generated on" the Internet.
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