How Scientology and Its Merry Band Does Its Recruiting
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Sure, you've probably heard of Dianetics and Scientology's many recruiting churches.
However, did you also know that
L. Ron Hubbard, the creator of Scientology, also came up with a music
album about Scientology and why it's right?
It's f&*$@^'ing true.
The Scientology website refers the curious to the Ron
the Music Master website, where you can read more about the spiritual genius' take on the banjo etc.
In any case, Hubbard's album, his freakin' tour-de-force, is called The Road to Freedom. You can listen
to it at the Ron the Music Master website
here:
(Copyright to the Church of Scientology
International, All Rights Reserved. Because everyone wants this on their iPod)
Anyone who listens to this music will undoubtedly fall under the sway and enlightenment of Scientology.
Take the song, "Make It Go Right," for instance. The words are truly timeless, and inspire you
to do the right thing:
"Computers doing invoices, suddenly just go berserk.
You've got to make it go right!
Baby, that is the way!
Ooo, Woo, make it go right!"
If that's not your thing, consider the tenets offered by the song, "Why worship death?" performed by
Chick Corea and actor Julia Migenes:
"Death is only an invention,
to rid the universe of life."
Makes sense to us so far. Why else would it be invented? Is that all?
"There is nothing that you cannot do better,
without meat clinging to you."
I suppose that can be interpreted in a couple ways. Try not to picture too much.
"You are yourself.
You do not die,
so live my friend."
All true! I am me and do not die, so why DON'T I live!
But I have to say, these lyrics have NOTHING
on such songs as "Laugh a Little" :
"Muh huh hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!"
Which, we have to say, is accompanied by sounds like the jungle book theme music at Disney World,
complete with... I think it's chimpanzee noises.
Ninety percent of the lyrics
to this song are "lalalalalala," "laugh a little, laugh a little!" and "AH, HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Well, I'm not enlightened by Scientology, so who am I to judge?
The lyrics to that song can only be matched by the uplifting berating of "The Worried Being" :
"Bad dream honey?
Awww, now, momma gonna sing you a lullaby!"
[A bunch of children, who assumingly all had the bad dream:] "Please do!"
"There was a worried being,
he did, secret acts!
He felt he had to hide, hide, hide, hide, hide!"
"...Careless teachers gave him false data!
Then he went dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb!"
"...Then a drug pusher, got him on dope!
and he began to shake, shake, shake, shake, shake!"
Oh wow, these are even starting to affect the people performing the song. Is there any course of action
we could take to save this guy?
"Children, then they gave him Scientology!"
[Children:] "...Hooray! He was free!"
[Trumpets sound triumphantly]
Don't knock these lyrics until you hear "The Road to Freedom," the title track, performed by
(among others) John Travolta and Sylvester Stallone's brother Frank:
"You are not made of chemicals!
You don't even have... a form!"
"...Get on the road to freedom!
Help us free all mankind!
the pain and all your sorrow,
are only in your mind!"
All of it. All of it is. Especially after you hear "L'Envoi, Thank You For Listening," performed
by L. Ron Hubbard, or rather, the Grinch Who Stole Christmas, if you listen to his wacky voice:
"Thank, you, for listening.
I write just for you."
"But others hearing this may find,
They say, what are you?"
It sounds just as caveman as it reads. How is that possible?
SCIENTOLOGY.
Did you know that L. Ron Hubbard also made a bunch of movies?
But that's for another time.
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