We went to the Guggenheim this weekend and saw a lotta art.
They had a bunch of fancy credentials and names and reviews, but we think we're better judges
of what's art than stuffy old men. Let's rename these to reflect our modern values. First painting:
Old credentials: Henri Rousseau, The Football Players (Les Joueurs de football),
1908. Oil on canvas, 39 1/2 x 31 5/8 inches. Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum.
We Name It: Getting Stabbed in the Back by a Homophobic in a Yellow Shirt While the
Other Yellow Shirted Assassin Gets Too Turned on by Violence and Unzips His Pants to Jack Off
We judge things as we see them. And frankly, Rousseau's painting speaks clearly and plainly to us.
The two alternative folks in the foreground playing ball are obviously unaware of the evil ginger kids
who hate the f&$*k out of handlebar mustaches and lifestyles they don't understand. Next painting is:
Old credentials: Paris Through the Window, 1913. Oil on canvas, 53 1/2 x 55 3/4 inches.
Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, Solomon R. Guggenheim Founding Collection, Gift, Solomon R. Guggenheim.
37.438. Marc Chagall © 2007 Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York/ADAGP, Paris.
We Name It: Batman Villains Catwoman, Two-Face, and the Penguin Flying in
with his Umbrella Kill Everyone in Paris
I've seen variants of this dismal outlook of the future on Saturday Morning on the WB, but never to this
bleak extent. They're shining tons of lights into the sky to try to summon their hero, but he's nowhere to
be found. Next painting:
Old credentials: In the Vanilla Grove, Man and Horse, 1891. Oil on burlap, 28 3/4 x 36 1/4 inches.
Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, Thannhauser Collection, Gift, Justin K. Thannhauser, 1978. 78.2514.15.
We Name It: The Sadness of Aquaman
Wanting nothing but to enjoy everything there is on land, and to talk to someone more useful than a halibut,
Aquaman laments in his dreams of things that can never come to pass. Next painting:
Old credentials: Lobster and Cat (Le Homard et le chat), January 11, 1965. Oil on canvas,
28 3/4 x 36 1/4. Solomon R. Guggenheim Museum, Thannhauser Collection, Bequest, Hilde Thannhauser,
1991. 91.3916. © 2007 Estate of Pablo Picasso/Artists Rights Society (ARS), New York.
We Name It: Fighting that Scorpion Transformer from the Movie
Poor cat doesn't realize he has to use thermal warheads to penetrate the hull of this intergalactic attacker. Poor cat.
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