Welcome to Thanksgiving week.
OJ sucks.
His next book is If I Plotted to Kill the Interviewer as I Stared At Him.
David Blane sucks.
All his magic tricks consist of sitting still while you watch him sit still and it's MAGIC.
None of them sucked this much, though:
(MP4 size: 10.8 MB)
(WMV size: 10.5 MB)
Yes, it's
Kramer's racist rant. That was last week. But this week, when it got on YouTube,
he decided to feel bad about it and make a public apology, which he never bothered to do for days and days until
millions of people across the country
told him that's behavior that perhaps you should apologize for publicly. So he went on the David Letterman
show, the most serious place for serious standup comics to make serious apologies
and receive serious laughs for it.
The entire horrible apology video that will
be used to make Gitmo detainees confess, can be found
here (WMV size: 18.9 MB) or
here (MP4 size: 21.5 MB)
if you want it.
First of all, like any good apology, he discusses the aftermath of his standup comedy
as a contributing factor to Hurricane Katrina. F*ckin' a.
At last, he confesses for all that Hurricane Katrina that happened.
(WMV size: 1.36 MB)
Actually, what the hell was that? Well, if you're curious, don't worry,
he's going to get to the forcefield of the matter.
FORCEFIELDS of INTERNATIONAL WARS
-An Apology by Michael Richards.
(WMV size: 989 KB)
And most importantly, the reason he wants to speak to you today. Feeling the import of his actions, and the fact
that the millions would be watching him apologize on Letterman that night, he decided to prepare the
following statement:
"But you can't, you know, it's. It. I don't. I didn't know people could-
blacks could feel- what is- I'm not a racist."
Yes. PROOF.
(WMV size: 617 KB)
Honestly, how was he to know blacks could feel. That's why he's not a racist.
And now, Salad Fingers.
SALAD FINGERS NOT RACIST.
(WMV size: 960 KB)
Aside from the fact that
people laugh in response to his referring to
Afro-Americans, his case kind of comes to a halt when he stops apologizing and says that his
tirading rant with the cluster N-bomb was merely taken out of context of his jujitsu act.
Yes, OJ did it, but it was taken out of context of his
larger stabby act.
(WMV size: 847 KB)
Bullsh*t. It's like
the frat jackasses who
sued Borat and claimed they only made racist remarks because they didn't think Americans would watch the film.
Being drunk or bombing on stage doesn't turn you into a racist if you weren't one already.
Happy Thanksgiving. Seinfeld is doomed.
Well, we hope you have nice days off. We actually won't be back from break until next Tuesday, so in the meantime,
enjoy watching this man play the Nintendo Wii live
for the entire week straight.
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