Updating Every Weekday Unless Something Horrible Happens to Me

Toasted Pixel Presents: That Which We Are Most Thankful For

This Thanksgiving, we are most thankful that we were never murdered horribly by Dakota Fanning. Because it could easily have happened. (Update by Simon) Dakota Fanning, child star of such unsettlingly awkward films as War of the Worlds, creeps us the hell out. We don't know exactly why she is the way she is, but we have hints from her origins. A nun was accidentally locked in an asylum for the criminally insane over the holidays, where she was savaged hundreds of times. When the authorities finally found her, she was barely alive. And Dakota Fanning was found for the first time next to her, drinking the blood of every dismembered inmate of the asylum. And so Fanning was discovered. The bastard child killer of a hundred murderers. If you don't believe us, believe your own eyes. Here she is in the baffling DeNiro film, Hide and Seek, trying to look creepy: Fine. And here she is, NOT trying to look creepy: "That's right, just smile for them all, I'm just a little girl, that's all they know, keep em all laughing, they don't suspect a thing, that's it..." And here she is, barely keeping her human costume on: When she comes for you at night, STARING at you at the foot of your bed, don't say we didn't warn you.

And now, something for everyone to be thankful for: a man who points out exactly how dumb people are who get tattoos in languages they don't understand: Hanzi Smatter tells you when you're doing something dumb permanently to your body. This is not to be taken lightly. This is quite wonderful, and we need more people that do this.