This movie hasn't sold out!

Because it's pretty much a war crime. But enjoy our review.

Trapped in the Closet is a musical that shows R Kelly's sensitive side. It's quite a horrible thing, actually. Watch him sing about it.

Click here to see R Kelly point to where it hurts, baby.
(mpg size: 3.05MB)

On the special features of the DVD, R Kelly announces that Trapped in the Closet "has changed the way people think when it comes to videos. It has changed the way people think when it comes to writing."

Click here to see why we #@$*&'ing hate change.
(mpg size: 2.67MB)

If you're wondering why he was narrating out of a closet, the movie won't explain it. He just does. He narrates the entire film from inside various people's closets, and even in the special features, he explains his legacy. From inside a closet.

"A life of its own" indeed. Can it bleed? Can we kill it?
(mpg size: 1.98MB)

Yes, of course. Here's a scene where R Kelly hears a knock on his front door and decides to shoot dead whoever's there, because he had a bad day. I wasn't aware that people who have bad days do this. Anyway, his girlfriend's brother gets in on the fun, too, as does a police officer who slept with his girlfriend. They've all had bad days, so they all agree to kill whoever's at the door.

Click here to see the only rock opera on how guns make better weapons than spatulas. (mpg size: 2.62MB)

Notice in that video how one of the men still points the gun at Rosey, as if wondering for a very long time if he should still execute the plan and kill her.

There's a commentary track on the DVD, but it's actually video footage of R Kelly watching his movie. They sort of had to do it this way, because he's so in awe of his film that he doesn't actually comment on it most of the time.

At times, his commentary can get as insightful as this:

Click here to see R Kelly mess with your head, in a sordid miasma of watching him watching you watching him watching himself. (mpg size: 1.02MB)

Try not to think about the movie too much. This is how deep the thought process went into creating it.

Click here to see the poor bastards who nod and desperately smile around the madman, as you do around crazy people on the subway. (mpg size: 1.02MB)

If someone uses this movie as their reason why they killed their girlfriend or something, this movie will not be in any trouble. Any court in the country will understand that if you learn anything from this movie, you were already fucking insane.

Trapped in the Closet.

Read our review and can't live without listening to the five-minute song about the midget pooping in his pants and R Kelly trying to figure out what the scent is? Here!