This movie rules. From the very beginning, it doesn't even TRY to make any sense (scientific, story, or otherwise). It just warns you you're about to see one giant freakin' monster, and that's all that matters to the filmmakers and you.

Yes, it actually says "hormone found in DNA." To hell with you, science.

The hero of the story is a dogcatcher, who's the most ass-kicking tiny dog catcher EVER. She chases down the Dinocroc to DESTROY it. Why? Who knows! She's a uniform-wearing dog catcher set out to kill a monster.

"Put an APB out on Satan. I'm coming for his ass."

The love interest of the story is a delightful tool who's a modern artist you'd hate if you met him. Here he is planning the nature of his relationship with the dogcatcher:

"Hmmmm."

But hey, the dogcatcher needs some love too. Which is why she can pretend to be impressed with this backwater trailer artist no one's ever heard of.

"Ha ha! You're so funny!"

"Oh, it's SO hot in here."

But here comes the best part of the story. While the dogcatcher and artist, bent on a mission to destroy the Dinocroc, get drunk and screw on his couch, the artist's little brother goes out of the house in the middle of the night to look for his lost dog, sneaking past the dogcatcher.

I hope you're starting to appreciate this movie. It gets even better. Here's the best scene of the film:

So the brother comes across the Dinocroc in the river, and runs for shelter in a shack over the river.

"It's a good thing I'm over water now."

He hears something under him, and looks under the floorboards.

"Roo?"

And sees this happy little Sauron looking back at him.

"Yes, it's me, son. Open the door, you can trust me..."

At this point, we see the very best scene in cinema history. Normally that would be a joke, but this is a FACT. This scene has all the guts Narnia never had. So the boy sees the eye, and thinks it's his brother, and calls to him. The results, somehow surprise him:

Click here for the best PSA you should show your children. (mpg size: 1.18MB)

Provocative angles on beheading children and spraying their blood? Oh yes, it went there.

Who has the balls to make a scene like this, and tell the CGI guy to show us the inside of his newly exposed neck, huh? Not that sissy who made Munich, I tell you. You KNOW I'm right.

At this point, Dinocroc knows he's the man. He begins to take out everyone, until the sheriff (dogcatcher's dad) decides he's going to make things right. His plan to catch Dinocroc? Use a trail of chained-up domestic dogs as food bait, leading the Dinocroc to feed all the way up to a tunnel he'll close up once Dinocroc's inside.

He also is very surprised to discover that his daughter, the dog-loving dogcatcher, has a problem with this plan. This is foreshadowing on how well the plan works. But in any case, this leads to the big chase scene, where the dogcatcher and the artist run from dog to dog, trying to free them each by melting their chains. As expected, the scenes are from the point of view of the dogs, because it's their story.

"Huh, there's the dogcatcher and a modern artist and the Dinocroc. Woof."

Now, here's the interesting thing. The Dinocroc is close on their heels, but is exactly the same distance from the dogcather gang at each dog. This is impressive, since the dogcatcher gang stops for a long time at each dog, melting the chains. Just thought you'd like to know.

"Faster."

Oh, and here's the evil woman responsible for genetically engineering and accidentally letting loose the Dinocroc. People like that usually die in these movies, don't they?

"Drat, and I'm not as pretty or young as the dogcatcher. I'm SO gonna die. Crud."

She affably decides to stand in front of the sleeping Dinocroc and turn her back on it for a long time, and then she doesn't understand, "What ARE those noises behind me?"

Want to see the Dinocroc eat a woman? It's pretty gnarly. Why do we have footage of it? Because the movie shows it to us.

Click here to see a happy Dinocroc. It's a happy story.
(mpg size: 3.05MB)

Do you hate animals, women, children, and men, but like Dinocrocs? We have a movie for you!

Dinocroc.

Read the review and can't live without seeing the tiny, three-legged dog outrunning the dogcatcher and her truck for a high-speed tiny dog chase that takes up about ten minutes of the film? Here!