Updating Mondays and Wednesdays

Toasted Pixel Presents: Kris Kross A Nugget from the Internet Gold Mine

Presenting the official Kris Kross website, completely preserved since 1996 by Sony:

Apparently, some web designers a decade ago thought that computers couldn't take resolution higher than a ColecoVision game, and came up with the above picture for the Kris Kross site. This is particularly ironic since computers a decade ago typically ran at lower resolutions than today, which would've made the picture above look even more pixilated in '96 than it looks now. Indeed, easy mackin' ain't. But there's something inherently creepy about these two being the ones appointed to the task. Perhaps it's the aggressive manner in which they're going about mackin'. Although women like confident men, there probably aren't too many women who would react positively to looking up and seeing a manifestation of the above photo, with Kris Kross screaming and running towards them and generally acting as if they have to pee really bad. This is mackin'? Someone has to do this? In any case, continuing the scary trend of taking on dubious responsibilities, an uncomfortably adult looking Kris Kross takes things another step further...

Uh, okay. Maybe we here are a bit out of touch. Is there something in that message we're missing? Is there a hidden message, secretly alluring to women, buried somewhere in "My friend here and I plan to cut you up?" If so, we've been listening to the wrong women-oriented rap, which brings up even more irony. No, no! None of this is adding up!

But perhaps we're just not looking at things the right way. Let's investigate this site further, to figure out more about this "cutting up" they speak of. Ah! Here's a clue:

Here we have a first class ticket to "WHERE EVA." I don't know who this Eva is, but I wonder if she knows that Kris Kross doesn't plan to leave her house once they get there. I suppose it's a moot point, since the ticket is Void, after all. But if you have a void plane ticket, you may as well make it a first class one and only make it for other fine cut ups like yourself. Or, perhaps, maybe we should stop trying to break through the Kris Kross psyche, and accept that rap websites that happen in 1996, stay in 1996.

The consensus: Kirk Cameron, you're next.