Kirk says he has a "special message" waiting for us
if we hit "Not Christian."
Now, keep in mind, you can only get here
by saying you're not Christian.
Thus, you'd expect Kirk here to try and convince us
WHY his versions of the afterlife and holy law are the correct
ones to believe in...
For some reason, however, he simply expects you
to blindly accept his version of heaven and holy law,
BEFORE he starts convincing you of anything.
This makes as much sense as if he said, "If you're not Hindu,
I know you'll naturally want to go over the pillar values
of the Baghadavita to see which caste you'll be reincarnated as next,"
and you saying, "Yeah, of course I want to do that."
But hey, I love games, so let's play.
However, let's only cover the interesting questions, starting with number 6:
Crud. According to Kirk Cameron, everyone on earth has
been murdered over and over, like, every day!
We're not just walking slaughterhouses, killing each
other with a MAGICAL, hostile look of the eye,
but how many times have we been killed without even knowing it?!
That guy I accidentally cut off on the highway may have killed
me this morning! Aaaaah! I don't want to die! I want to LIVE!!!
Huh? So... Kirk, you're saying that men, who were built
to find women physically attractive, will burn in hell...
if they find women physically attractive?! I thought your
god hated gay people.
And with that, Kirk Cameron's god has outlawed
all human endeavors. I can safely say I have
never broken that Commandment, having spent
my entire life sitting on the couch not aspiring
to be like anyone. Ever.
Well, that's it for the Commandments. Let's see
how we scored in this game.
Wait! There isn't any tally! The following page simply
has a sign saying we're all going to hell! What a great game.
Come to think of it, do you know the only thing that would've made
Mario Cart a better game? It would've been awesome if,
instead of handing out points and winners' cups at the end of races,
you just got a screen that said YOU'RE ALL GOING TO HELL! Awesome.
The page after that:
I see, Kirk. Let's use an analogy here to see if I got this straight:
The crooked sheriff in town comes to you and says, "I've created a new law.
If you look at my sandwich with hunger in your eyes,
I'm fining you $250,000, because you should know better." You look
at his sandwich and, try as you may, you can't beat your genetics,
and you get hungry. Then, the sheriff says, "You know something?
I don't ACTUALLY want you to have to pay $250,000, because I'm such
a nice guy. If you agree to obey me and devote your life to me,
I'll not charge you the fine after all. What a great guy!
Cameron you jackass.
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