Toasted Pixel Presents:
We're Not Above Being Ashamed of Our Own Race
And you can thank this guy.
That screenshot is from the video to the song
"Mazed and Amazed,"
which is a very Asian song title because it doesn't attempt to make any sense.
Sure, my friends and I used to love mazing people when we were teenagers.
But we didn't maze them AND amaze them.
That would just be silly.
It's as if this gangster doesn't get the point of being a gangster rapper.
His hardcore, no-mercy, take-no-prisoner... groveling lyrics are as follows:
"Girl, girl, you're on the run!
Please don't run from me!
Girl! Girl! Wassup! No fun!
Your heart I need to see!"
"Wassup! No fun!" Why don't more number one hit songs have that line?
And those lyrics accompany images of this lady:
Asia needs fatties.
Remember those old, silent movies, where Asians were played by white people
who hunched over and squinted, smiling in a way to give themselves fake buckteeth?
I don't know why I suddenly remembered that.
But, this rapper eventually does get it, and realizes that rappers need to be scary and engage
in criminal behavior or something.
However, I don't know if he realizes they don't need to be, well, so creepy about it:
"Baby! Baby! Goin' a little crazy!
I'm looking all over to find my baby!
Girl you gonna hit dead ends!
Girl to you my hand can't[and?] stand!
I know you got a frown,
because I know he let you down!
Runnin' through the maze, you're really hurt!"
Okay, so he's going a little crazy chasing after this woman,
but the good news is that she'll run into a dead end. This is getting pretty romantic.
If you thought it couldn't get any less lucid, those lyrics
are followed by visuals like this interpretive dance,
that drives the whole dead-end/frown/inability to stand point home:
I am your host, Dieter.
There's an alarming amount of dancing in this video. One may wonder why,
because after watching that first scene of dancing, just who would say,
"Yes, my vision is finally coming to fruition. MORE" :
This is getting hot.
Now you see, now you see,
You got me, you got me!
Running through the maze for you!
My mind's in a daze for you!
But now I stuck with what I got,
To let you know, my love is hot!
What the hell does this mean?!
Because he's obsessed with this woman, he stays with some other woman,
to prove to the first that he's hot for her?!
I'm beginning to believe that his mind is indeed in a maze,
and that his subconscious has encoded GPS coordinates --where we need
to send him an ambulance immediately-- into the song,
which is why the lyrics comes off a little nutty.
And once again, we have just as sensible video to accompany this tirade:
Forget the blondes. I want Frankenstein's head on a woman's body.
In any case, we actually have to give this guy a lot of credit.
Sure, his video looks silly, and his taste in women is revealed to be
an androgenous one, but hey, he did it.
And honestly, how many people out there can say they worked this hard towards their dream?
And how many can say they did it in red geri curls?
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