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Toasted Pixel Presents:
Cloak & Dagger Movie Review, Page Two

This is the film's gamer. He also plays Davey's best friend.



Why or how they're best friends, we don't know. All we know is that this guy doesn't have any scenes in which he doesn't talk at length about wanting Twinkies.



Anyway, Davey tells him there must be something strange or unique about this game, so the gamer starts playing it until he reaches the high score. This, interestingly enough, is the only way to unlock the top secret military files on the Atari cartridge, meaning that the military brass with top secret clearance would assumingly have to play this game until they got awesome at it before they could see their own files. Speaking of the files, here they are:



It turns out that the files worth dying for are ultra-mega-secret plans for the futuristic and revolutionary SR-71 Blackbird, which only came out 20 years earlier during the Lyndon B. Johnson administration, and which would be retired and sold to NASA a few years later. But the result is that the gamer is immediately tracked down and killed for seeing these files, and his corpse is stuffed into a car trunk.

Davey, following the men who have been after his game, hitches a ride in the same trunk, and upon realizing his best friend is dead, he comments upon how fat and kinda smelly the corpse is for most of the ride. This movie is awesome because it feels that's totally all that geeks deserve upon death.

Sorry. In any case, Jack decides to help Davey escape the bad men and make off with the video game. He does so the way any true friend would: by convincing Davey to get shot at by the bad guys' machine guns, and try to catch the baddies in their own crossfire. Watch the way all children should try to help society:


Click here to hear the happiest kids' movie theme music (complete with twinky-sounding harp) ever. Oh, and it's playing to the scene of a kid learning from his imaginary friend how to murder people by drawing other people's machine gun fire. (mpg size: 2.4MB)


Jack Flack successfully teaches Davey how to indirectly murder every last bad guy who follows them. However, with the last, boss character bad guy, Jack realizes that he has to teach Davey to kill someone face to face. That's when the movie sort of gets surreal, and the imaginary friend Jack Flack appears to the villain as a semi-transparent ghost apparition. He does this and sings a song about getting shot in order to help encourage Davey to shoot the man dead with using gun of one of the other villains/men-who-are-now-corpses-because-of-Davey.


Click here to hear the "Pull the Trigger!" Song. (mpg size: 2.2MB)


After getting tricked into murdering a man using a gun, Davey decides he doesn't want to play with his imaginary friend anymore. That biting statement turns the wounds on Jack Flack real, and he bleeds profusely from his chest in front of Davey before dying in front of him.



Children becoming murderers? The guilt of imaginary friends bleeding to death because of a child's apathy? How could this get any better? Well, try this on for size:

After he kills, he holds a bomb the villains tried to use to blow up his neighborhood, and then...

He gets hijacked by an elderly white couple he met on a random boat tour who actually turn out to be Cuban terrorists who plan to steal the video game and escape on a jet plane.



The only thing more awesome than children killing adults? Old people trying to kill children. So the boy is left alone, staring at a bomb that's about to go off in his hands, on a plane about to embark for Cuba, with two old white Cuban terrorists.


They just don't make movies this good anymore.


But then Davey's father comes aboard, posing as the pilot, in order to make sure his son is ok. That's when the old woman starts to frisk him by kneeling and feeling Dabny Coleman's butt. Just thought you'd want to know that.


This is simply a great shot in motion picture history.


But Davey eventually convinces the old couple that he's holding a bomb, which distracts them long enough for Dabny Coleman to start moving the aircraft forwards and to throw Davey out the window of the moving plane.



Davey then looks back at the plane, and sees it blow up in an acres-wide fireball, with his father still inside.



But the moral of the story is that your REAL heroes, your parents, can never die in a fire, and Dabny Coleman triumphantly walks out of the flames to greet his son. This is a moral we need to teach all our children.


Click here to see that flaming scene from Highlander 2. (mpg size: 1MB)


One child's journey to kill old people. Cloak & Dagger.


Click here to return to page one of the review.





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