Cold Mountain is about women with perfect hair. Sure, they walk through the rain through mud and muck
and thick brambled forests, but come on. They're Southern, their hair is as perfect at the end of the
film as at the beginning. No amount of humid, rugged mountain living can
overcome the sheer amount of hairspray infused into one Southern beauty pageant winner. Actually, that's not true.
Nicole Kidman's hair, makeup, dyed roots, and plucked eyebrows are actually BETTER after a month of hiking
through the forest than they are at the start of the film.
Before traversing the
mountains in winter.
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After the mountain air got
rid of her split ends.
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But of course, the focus of the film is how the Civil War effected everyone. So to illustrate that most effectively,
the movie opens with the Battle of the Crater, one of the most infamous slaughters of the Civil War. The battle,
involving the North's United States Colored Troops, gained notoriety because the Southerners got
incensed by the fact that black people would pretend to be human.
Thus, the Southern army became an enormous lynch mob, actually hanging and beating black soldiers to death
by the thousands.
Cold Mountain takes the brave stance in stating that the Southerners were the good guys in the battle, and
that the black people were evil encroaching murderers.
Wow!
"So, did you hear this was nominated for six Academy Awards?"
(mpg size: 1.18 MB)
In the scene, the first thing that freed black people do is try to kill our nation's proud Native Americans. Boo!
Those evil black people!
"My only regret is that the North couldn't learn to accept minorities like the South does!"
And the first thing white Northerners do is try to find and murder as many children as they can find.
Which is TOTALLY true. I live around a ton of Northerners and no babies left.
"My only regret is that the North couldn't learn to accept children living!"
(mpg size: 1 MB)
It's a very interesting movie. Renée Zellweger plays a retarded woman. Not on purpose, though. She just
tries to portray her version of a Southerner.
"I said, 'Ah-hoit!'"
This movie is awesome. How far we've come.
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