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Updating Every Weekday Unless Something Horrible Happens to Me


Another sadly true story.


(update by Darnell) Syracuse is chain restaurants, chain stores, and chain businesses. You could say that Syracuse is just one big chain. Did you get that? I made a metaphor.

Toasted Pixel Presents:
How Far Must We Make Them Evolve?

Zombies. With each successive film, they get faster, stronger, and even more cunning. Back in the good old days, zombies were slow, grunting, barely-animated corpses in black-and-white films. Barely aware of their surroundings, only the most primitive drive fueling them, and lumbering with a creepy, steady pace. You might even call them zombie-like. Now, they chase cars, smash through walls, and even try to outsmart people, like in the Resident Evil film. If you ran a marathon, chasing a car, coming up with a plan to trap the driver, would you immediately think to yourself, "Oh man, I feel like such a zombie right now!" Is that how we imagine the undead to be?

Look, they're zombies, people. How much do you honestly expect from them?

"This was me. Then, I enrolled in Zombie DeVry Technical School."


There comes a point where monsters can become TOO human to be interesting. If we see them act like a bunch of regular stereotypical redneck militiamen plotting takeovers of humanity with their inbred super strength (as they will in George Romero's Land of the Dead, coming out June 24), then we may as well just watch a movie about said rednecks. White trash zombies already went shopping in a mall in the movie Dawn of the Dead. Do filmmakers expect us to watch zombies evilly evading taxes or sinisterly cheating casinos next?


George Romero's Careless, Overcharging Contractors of the Dead


Then again, I have to admit, I'll still see these movies about super-zombies. Despite all the wackiness of intelligent, lifelike zombies that may as well be X-Men, seeing something like that will probably be fun, since the last X-Men film ruled, after all. I mean, come on, can you picture any film that could possibly be better than this Oscar contender?

I can't wait to see this film on the Lifetime Channel.


Land of the Dead, which opens on June 24, will be clearly be the best film we could ever make. Just look at the greatness will be it.





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