Updating Every Weekday Unless Something Horrible Happens to Me

Well, you're not supposed to think about it. (update by Simon) Well, he's cool because he's mysterious and dark, the mystery being why he holes up in a bat cave underneath a luxury estate, where his labs filled with sensitive test samples will undoubtedly be blanketed in guano. The answer to the mystery is, of course, that he takes so many lady guests like Kim Basinger to his bat cave, that he can't just make his bat hideout part of his regular mansion. And cool bat caves filled with falling bat poop are, of course, the best way to impress on the first date. That and being all dark and not showing your date your actual unmasked face. Look, he's cool, just accept it.

Toasted Pixel Presents: Officially the World's Most Marketable Film in History

"Wait, is this even a movie?" Ok, so I just saw Mr. and Mrs. Smith, a film I'm surprised they didn't make years ago. The premise is simple: Let's put the two most beautiful people on earth in their underwear, carrying guns and beating the crap out of and getting it on with everything that moves for two hours straight. If you're wondering if this film delivers what it promises, the producers have created a foolproof system to ensure its proper design: put the world's nastiest looking zombie creatures in charge of directing and creating this movie. I'll take the one on the right. Ever notice that the most unattractive people in media specifically cast or direct only the most physically gorgeous humans imaginable? Just look at every woman cast and eventually married by circus horror Tim Burton, if you're not sure. Despite the beauty on screen, however, evidence of the nature of the filmmakers shows through every scene. Angelina Jolie pigging out on booze and junk food and generally being a lazy ass with a hand on her gut. That's how we've all wanted to imagine her in her spare time, right? If you look at the people who wrote her script, you may understand this scene better.