Paris Hilton has a music video. We have mixed feelings about that fact.
On the one hand, we love writing about Paris Hilton because she does things that history will
thank us for commenting harshly upon. On the other hand, we feel bad for mocking her because
it's just mean to make fun of retarded people. So all we can do is be as objective as possible
as we review her latest endeavor, entitled "Maybe I'm Perfect for You."
First of all, let's judge her lyrics. And when I say judge, I mean throw-the-first-stone
type of judge,
because you have never committed a sin as serious as her poetry.
Try this clip of her
video, which cuts away from this shot shortly after this screenshot because it's all classy like:
I'd kill to read the first draft of this.
(wmv size: 2.91 MB)
In case you didn't catch it all, she's saying:
Scuse me for feelin'.
This moment is critical.
It might be we feeling, [shrug]
could get physical, oh no.
No no.
Paris might be feeling could get physical? Oh no indeed. Oh, no, inDEED.
Notice in that clip how hard it is for the editors to find enough footage of her successfully lip synching
to her own lyrics. They have to consistently settle for shots where she doesn't bother finishing her line
or actually trying to match up her lips to the sounds.
Anyway, to help Paris get away from physical, the song gets more metaphysical, as Paris at one point in the video
actually MORPHS INTO NICOLE RITCHIE, bending the laws of science completely just to prove she can bury the hatchet:
Bury the hatchet and sacrifice herself for being wrong:
More romance videos need iocane powder.
(wmv size: 1.87 MB)
She's either saying "snuck of suicide" or "stuck on suicide." Either way,
most people next to her have killed themselves like those victims in the Airplane movies
who listened to Ted Striker's stories and stabbed themselves with samurai swords etc.
Finally, said many times in the video is the refrain, which proves Paris Hilton wrote this song.
"Peek-a-boo," said her crotch mirthfully that day.
(wmv size: .98 MB)
"If you show me real love baby, I'll show you mine." But you'll have to see her other video for the
former and the latter part of that statement.
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