Updating Every Weekday Unless Something Horrible Happens to Me

For honor's sake: (update by Simon) Before the age of ten, the amount of debt and wealth that passes between peers can rival that of many Terminator-run states.

Now, before we continue, we have some big news. Starting today, the website UGO.com will start publishing some of our writing weekly. Thus, we're going to phase more and more of our film commentary to UGO.com from now on. We'll link to the UGO.com feature each week in our updates, though, so you'll still get our film previews and reviews. Here's today's Toasted Pixel feature on UGO.com.

Toasted Pixel Presents: Beauty Is In the Eye of the Beholder Who Loves Fatties

Whoa. Now that's that's out of the way, the first thing that jumps out at us from this, is that it isn't actually a Beauty Pageant, regardless of the event title. Sure, the rules say that contestants are judged based on "Beauty," "Talent," and "Personality." However, the actual rules page itself puts those words in quotes, along with other suspect pageant terms like "modeling." This will perhaps tell you something about the type of contestants they expect for this. If it doesn't, perhaps this will: The bespectacled stoner Klingon in the back approves. This contest has SEVEN JUDGES, many of them central actors from the various Star Trek series and movies. Now, for large pageants, this number and caliber of judges may not seem too out of the ordinary. But this is very impressive considering the fact that they're judging a grand total of EIGHT contestants as of today, the most recent contestant having signed up two weeks ago. When there's nearly one judge for every contestant, the criteria for winning had better be strict and HIGH. Or at least involve breast hand prints and Harry Kim in a tiara (why, Harry, why?!). Is Star Trek truly dead? As sad as it is to suggest, perhaps it's time to remove its feeding tube.