Usually, a movie review requires a detailed outline of the plot, characters, and themes.
However, once in a while, a movie comes around that only requires one film clip to tell you
just how good it is. This requires no preface, it requires no explanation, just watch, and
realize the rest of the movie strives to make this much sense (video clip is 4.62mb large):
Click here to see why she's so happy.
A co-worker pointed out this part of the movie one day, and it hasn't stopped effecting our nightmares
and ability to drive since. How did the actors agree to make this happen? Who read this script and
thought they alone could breathe life into the snake-giving-great-head scene?
To distract you from that hopefully for the rest of your life, we decided to put some more regular
film review stuff below for you:
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Title:
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Boa vs. Python
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Plot:
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A rich guy imports one of those common, 80-foot long, bulletproof type of pythons
into the United States to hunt it in Pennsylvania. To stop it from wiping out Philadelphia,
the FBI uses a cybernetic 70-foot long boa constrictor to fight it. This is just as good as it sounds.
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This movie is one of several recent straight-to-DVD's that sets out to prove that humanity is made up
of mindless crotches.
Underwater lovin' scenes like this somehow manage to dominate
a film about giant snakes killing people,
don't ask me how.
If you haven't guessed by now, this movie isn't about subtlety or other aspects
of "movie making" per se.
We are introduced to the main character, Monica (played by 5'5" Playboy Playmate
Jaime Bergman), as she challenges a Navy Seal to see who can hold their breath longer underwater.
She wins. Anyway, she wins by exploiting a little known aspect of the male, namely, that
this is exactly how they act when a pretty girl flirts with them (video clip is 1.67mb large):
Click here to see the secret side of mankind.
There are a lot more clips we could show you to illustrate the nature of this film's quality, but frankly,
there's nothing we'd be able to show you that's remotely safe for work or for anyone else who doesn't
get off on watching naked women repeatedly throttling and throwing anacondas that chirp like
birds (you heard me).
It's a good old fashioned nekkid snake toss!
However, if you just read all this and have to see how
the giant bioengineered snake sex scene (yep) works out in this movie, here:
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