Steven Seagal's Official Website
uses Flash, sounds, and text in a unique combination to ensure that anyone who enters
the site will begin to sweat and grimace uncontrollably,
coming away filled with constipation and fear they will not understand the origins of.
When you click on the
"SPIRITUALITY" link, you'll encounter a page that has the most random assortment of
words that make no sense next to each other,
all offered in the form of moving Flash text (which you can't control the
scrolling of at all) that scrolls
at random intervals, ensuring you can't follow or make sense of anything you read.
While this madness is going on,
the background to this page on Buddhist Spirituality is (of course!)
a randomly scrolling photo of Steven Seagal in gold rings and a leather jacket
playing the electric guitar. It
scrolls independently of the text, both up and down seemingly at a random pace,
which makes the page less of a piece on spirituality and
more of confusion attack or a test of the viewer's concentration
abilities during wartime. Now, even if the rockin' Seagal picture wasn't there,
I challenge anyone to find the spiritual message in this quagmire of random thoughts
and more randomly placed carriage returns:
As you can see, Seagal flows seamlessly from publicly announcing his secret donations,
to commenting on the
negative press, to the topic of
being a religious lama, to the CIA, to aiding militant Khampas, all without any sort of
relationships between one phrase and the next.
Half an hour later, one piece of text ends, others begin, and the
ancient Buddhist lifecycle of throwing random social commentary and CIA operations at people, continues.
You can learn so @%*#$&'ing much about Spirituality on this page!
Aaaaaah, now it all makes sense. He was identified as the reincarnation of a translator! With such a legacy,
who wouldn't want to become invisible in the face of Tibetan Buddhism flourishing?!
However, all of this, ALL of it, is completely tame, sensible, and maybe even warranted, when
compared to the insurmountable power of, Steven Seagal's singing portion of the site.
Click here to continue the review on page two.
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