Updating Every Weekday Unless Something Horrible Happens to Me

How else could you explain people still funding the man who directed House of the Dead? (update by Simon) Uwe Boll, the maker of Alone in the Dark, isn't a good filmmaker. He's so bad, in fact, that he made Alone in the Dark. Considering his last film made about $2 million and the vitriol of every movie fan in most English-speaking countries, I wouldn't trust him with a cameraphone, much less a major motion picture budget and living actors. Nevertheless, he's making the movie Dungeon Siege, starring Claire Forlani, Ray Liotta, Leelee Sobieski, Burt Reynolds, Ron Perlman, John Rhys-Davies, Matthew Lillard, and Terminator 3's Kristanna Loken. These people assumingly agreed to do the film voluntarily, without magic wands or Leprechauns involved in their coercion to get in front of Uwe Boll's camera. Then again, we'll review his movie House of the Dead for you on Monday, and you can decide then if genies or Satan are choosing to get involved with Uwe Boll's career. Oh, our latest UGO.com content is up. Have fun!

Toasted Pixel Presents: Our Favorite Band

Stovokor, Darnell's best discovery in the Alpha Quadrant of the galaxy to date, is the best Star Trek-themed death metal band with all-Klingon members that plays for Federation human officers ever. Their songs angrily demand the surrender of the human race and beer. The tracks also insert original Star Trek dialogue between Federation humans and Klingon warriors in songs apparently not told in any human tongue, but in the animalistic cries of interstellar space soldiers. And they can totally play the crowd with their jiggling. This is sort of like a Harry Potter-themed armed militia. Does the "being scary" factor make them less geeky? Who knows? You'll probably have to go to their show dressed as Dumbledore to find out how un-scary they can be to you.