Toasted Pixel's 2004 Election Coverage:
How Supervillains Are Voting	How Superheroes Are Voting	The Intergalactic Elections	First Presidential Debate Results	Final Presidential Debate Results	Time's Almost Up	Ante Up

The Daily Toast November 1, 2004

Bush's Game of Risk Nearly Complete

Washington, D.C.-

    After moving 12 army pieces onto Afghanistan, and moving 8 of them to Iraq, Bush's game of Risk is nearly complete.
    "All I need is Syria and Iran, and I've got the continent. That's a three army bonus," said Bush excitedly.
    "Chinese Prime Minister Wen Jiabao thinks he can begin moving his army pieces all over Asia without any opposition, but I've had my eye on North Korea ever since the Southern Asia campaign. Now, if only I can convince the six swing states that Africa was responsible for 9/11, I can start moving pieces south."
    Bush concluded by saying, "Woohahahahaha!" while wringing his hands.

American Officials to Devote Any Resources Necessary to Ensure that Iraqi Elections Will Be Less Corrupt than U.S. Elections

    In the wake of Presidential voting scandal after Presidential voting scandal, the American government has decided to devote hundreds of millions of dollars, most of our citizens in the armed forces, and countless dipolomats and private sector employees to ensuring that the Iraqi elections will be free of the corruption, scandal, recount or court debacles that have been embroiling America.
    "We must not let America's rampant election fraud and debauchery touch the latest, still chaste example of purity and democracy: Iraq," said Bush, in an empassioned plea to Congress for new military funds.
    Congress, moved by the peaceful state of Iraq, decided to toss the U.S. up as a loss. Starting over with Iraq, Congress threw our remaining budget and beyond on the grateful Middle Eastern state which welcomed us with open arms and begged us to bring them elections.

Stock Market Ready to Plummet in Response to Any Candidate Winning

Stock market projection if Bush or Kerry or Nader wins the elections.

New York, NY-

    The New York Stock Exchange stands poised and ready to sell, sell, sell, as soon as election results are announced. If Bush gets re-elected, Kerry gets elected, or a third-party candidate wins the election in some states, consumer confidence will fall to record lows.
    "Bush remaining in office means that more of our budget will get dumped into this purposeless war, and countless more jobs will go overseas and to illegal immigrants," says Tim Collins, a day trader. "Kerry winning will mean uncertainty and inexperience in all domestic business policies," says local business owner Kevin Nihls. "There is NO third party candidate who will be able to get any votes in Congress. A powerless President is poison for the economy," says analyst Jim Steinberg.
    "We're so fucked," said Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan, rubbing his eyes.